My son had his 11th birthday this past week. Eleven. That's more than a decade. That means my journey of motherhood started almost 12 years ago. In some ways, it feels like no time has passed at all and at the same time, I have been a mother my whole adult life. (Well, there was about a year where I was a legal 'adult' in there, but who really feels like a grown up just because they turned 18 and graduated high school?) So in many ways, this life is all I've ever really known outside of my own childhood. But I can't imagine it any other way and wouldn't want to.
I have reinforced some things with my son so that when he gets old enough to question the circumstances surrounding his conception, the answers will hopefully already be in his heart. They are:
1. He is my favourite thing. And I say 'thing' and he goes, "Mom, I'm not a thing." And I say, "But you're my favourite of all the things! Everything in the world- animal, vegetable, mineral, whatever. You're the best of all." A lot of other things demand my time and attention and I have to prioritise some days. But despite all that, he's my favourite and I want him to know that, ultimately, he is my priority when it counts.
2. He is my special boy. I know some parents and non-parents think you shouldn't tell your kids they're special. (Hey, non-parents, no offence- by which I mean, do feel free to be offended since that's what you do to us- but you don't get to formulate die-hard opinions on parenting. You just don't. I'm storing up laughter for the day when you have kids, I truly am.) Oh, shut up with that malarkey... This world will tear these little individuals down enough. Insecurities and self-doubt will creep in and sow enough seeds of uncertainty in their souls. And when that happens, they need a foundation to rest on - one that promoted their self-worth and value. And yes, self-worth and value are the same as believing you're special. It doesn't mean you're better than others; it means you have something unique to offer, because of your individuality and experiences, to the collective contribution of society. And you should strive to find that and cultivate it. You first have to believe it's there in order to do that. It's your job to build your kids up so that by the time the world gets a chance to tear them down, it can only go so far because you have given them a confidence basement, so to speak, that they can't sink below. They don't need to believe you're a part of the crowd that feels the need to take them down a notch. They don't need that to start as soon as possible in their lives from within their own home. So take your hipstery, one-step philosophical nonsense elsewhere. I've been a parent since before we based all of our opinions on facebook/huffpost/buzzfeed 'articles' thinking such self-indulgent, basic, and unfounded diatribes were scripturally profound, and I know better. Maybe someone should tell these codswallop-spouting gurus of our time that they aren't as special as they think they are. But my son is special and if you have a problem with that, I dare you to challenge this Irish mamma and see how that works out for you...
3. I love him most. He is loved by many people and will be loved by many more in his lifetime. But outside of God, no one loves him more than me. No one is more grateful for him than me. I'm not trying to ruin him for the future women in his life. I want him to know that not an ounce of my being would change what I did 12 years ago, because I love him more than life itself, more than myself. So if given the choice between him and me, I would so instinctively choose him that it has never actually been a choice. Never. And as he grows up and moves on to the loves of his life in his own family, there will be a love behind him that wanted him in this world more than anyone and who wants his happiness, joy, and fulfillment- which will include many things beyond me for him. But as for me, he will always be the love of my life with God. And my heart will have room for a husband and another child (i.e. other 'loves of my life'), if that's the way my life goes, without ever diminishing the immensity of my love for him. Mom hearts just grow, Grinch-style...
4. He is the "best gift I ever got." My son was a surprise, that's for sure. I didn't plan for him and one day, he will calculate our ages with better understanding and realise that. Gifts are sometimes unexpected, but they add to your life, they don't take away. Some of the best things are the blessings you didn't count on that take your life in a direction you could have never foreseen. And he IS the greatest blessing. And this direction is one I didn't know I wanted, but have loved far above the ignorant alternative. I always joke that I should get presents on his birthday cuz I did all the work that day! And he protests that that wouldn't be fair, etc, and I'm obviously kidding. But I already got the best gift that day and every day since. And I tell him, "God must love me a lot to give me a gift like you." And I hope those words always resound within him so he knows the life that we've had was not only a blessing from God with His hand prints all over it, but was added to, improved upon- just infinitely better than any other plan or expectation that came before him.
God must love me a lot...
Happy Birthday, mon coeur.
