I saw this picture recently and it stood out to me, especially as a reformed anorexic who spent most of my youth trying to find love for myself in a world that sought to point out all that was wrong with me. I saved it in my phone and started writing this blog post months ago with intention to post it at some point in the future. But then I sat and watched the disgusted reaction to a peaceful Women's March in DC the past two days. This is after having spent the better part of two years watching people overlook, justify, and defend the actual crimes against women while vilifying people who speak up against them. That is on top of a lifetime of this nonsense. And I'm done.
I dated someone once who asked me if I was a "feminist," and the tone in his voice showed me I was supposed to say "no" or at least qualify any "yes." I did neither and, for me, it was the start of a wedge driven between us. In fact, my reaction to that question now is, "Um, yea, of course I am. Aren't you?" And the tone in my voice shows that you're supposed to say, "yes."
"Feminism" shouldn't even be a commonly used word in 2017, let alone one that is met with eye rolls and blatant, shameless criticism. Especially from my Christian community. I hold you to higher accountability and I am very disappointed. Jesus treated women equally. Some of Jesus' best friends were women. As a single man, he spoke to them directly and openly, which was not done in those days. He talked to them as though not only was their comprehension equal to men's, but their understanding was just as important. He wanted their salvation, too. Even his disciples, after all they'd seen, were surprised to find Jesus talking to the Samaritan woman at the well. But he knew she needed him. Jews weren't meant to engage with Samaritans. And men were meant to only address husbands, not their wives or single women. Even worse, this woman had a bad reputation. She'd apparently slept around. She's by herself at the well for a reason. Drawing water in the middle of town was a social event and she's alone. People don't want to be associated with her. Jesus could have had rumours started about him for simply talking to her. I know Christian men today who won't drive alone with a woman in a moving car lest it look inappropriate. And here Jesus is, 2,000 years ago, talking alone with a woman in a public place who is known for her promiscuity? Bold move, Jesus. Do you get this? It could've undermined his whole ministry. But he cared about her more than the potential backlash of gossip mongers. And for the record, Jesus was nothing but bold, controversial moves. He called society and culture out on their ways and was unapologetically revolutionary in his methods. He was not traditional and he sure as heck wasn't conservative.
When he rose from the dead, the first person he spoke to was Mary Magdalene. And she was responsible for telling the men the good news. If you don't know how significant that was, you have not studied theology or biblical culture. She is named in the gospels more than most of the apostles. (Many believe she should actually be considered a disciple and that we just decided upon only 12 when there were in fact more. That's a whole other story.) And now, Mary Magdalene was the first evangelical. What about Lydia leading ministry because she could? What about Esther saving her people from persecution? What about Deborah, the only female judge, who led an army of men? The bible teaches equality, and if you'd like to debate that with me, I invite you to.
Being pro- women's rights, protection, and equality should be standard. There shouldn't be a word that forces you to stand up for something that should be a given. Instead there should be a socially accepted label* for those who don't advocate for women's equality, for those who maintain outdated notions on where women lie on the spectrum of humanity. And instead of having to clarify that you're a feminist, as though that is the abnormal stance, you should have to clarify that you're the other and watch people meet that declaration with the same disgust and judgement we are met with when we stand aghast that in the supposedly developed world, there isn't even equal pay for women. That in other parts of the world, women aren't even able to stand apart from men to have any security. That physical abuse is denoted as "cultural." And that trafficking, rape, and prostitution even exist these days.
We espouse hollow platitudes like, "Love yourself for who you are," but look around. Is there anything in our societal routine that actually promotes that ideal? Or do we constantly reinforce this idea of impossible perfection and are women incessantly programmed to believe their worth is intrinsically tied to appearance and other superficial characteristics? Everything in modern, Western culture still points towards women being objects, so how can we expect the world to treat us equally? Call me old, but I'm a child of the 90's and I am tired, 30 years later, of waiting for the messages of empowerment we were fed back then to come to fruition. If you are reading this and don't understand what the issue is, think I'm overreacting, or are fine with the way things are, then, I'm sorry, but you're part of the problem. And this is a real problem that affects half the world's population, so I cannot excuse your ignorance. If you've never been victimised because of your gender, then you're one of the lucky ones. I guarantee you know many people who have, whether or not they tell you, or whether or not they even realise it shouldn't be happening. We live in a time of trafficking, normalised porn, increased rape culture, and - as if our physical safety isn't enough to worry about - an online world that subjects women to written affronts that we're expected to overlook as a natural part of life. That we're expected to overlook as a natural part of men's behaviour. "Locker room talk." This is NOT natural. It's not standard and it isn't justifiable. To disregard it is to ignore the violation of decency, respect, and basic rights. It's to tell me my safety and treatment isn't as important because I'm a woman and that I should accept my chromosomal lot in life. Is that what you tell your daughters? Is that what you tell your wives and sisters and mothers? Because this does indeed happen to your moms. Are you okay with that?
It's time to start treating women differently. It's time to teach boys to respect and to reject perversion; to have more pride in themselves than to sink to cultural justification of hormones being the ruling factor of their existence. It's time to not give girls attention for the wrong reasons reinforcing that their worth only lies in the most insecure aspects of their being, not the aspects where true growth can occur. It's time to treat women as though they are just as capable and valuable as their male counterparts and to reward them as such. It's time to not make them feel like they have to deny their femininity, or keep their mouths shut, or speak in a different tone of voice lest they be labelled as bossy, to be taken seriously for their hard work in the workplace. It's time for men to use their responsibility as the leaders of our societies to promote this and to protect us. And it's time for this to not need to be said anymore. Let's make the word "feminism" extinct and in our lifetime. Cause, frankly, I'm so over this and you should be, too.
*I'm aware the terms sexist and misogynist exist. I guess I was separating those labels from those who aren't outright sexist but aren't actively feminist. But, you're right, maybe there's no middle ground. And maybe those who don't advocate for women's equality need to be faced with the fact that they are, like it or not, reinforcing misogyny. I did say, "socially accepted label," so maybe we need to normalise saying to people who like to claim they're not a feminist, "Oh, so you're a sexist, then? Got it." Actually, yea... let's do that.
