so, for anyone who actually reads this, that whole opportunity thing i talked about in the 'this just in...' post- i'm over it. you may not know me personally, but i'm kinda awesome... and worthy and deserving of more than what i've received in this situation. i thought i wanted something but now i realise, i shouldn't want it because having it would be settling. i forgot that for a little while... i forgot who i am because i've had a rough year or so and sometimes, it's easy to just see all that is lacking in my life and character. it's easy to highlight flaws, because they seem the most likely reason for things not being the way i want them to be. i'm good at blaming myself. but i would like to be good at being proud of myself for things that merit pride.



so, incase we haven't met, here's me:

i'm fairly creative and good at making things. you might call me crafty or artsy or just plain handy cuz i do have a tool box, a screwdriver set, and a drill with a variety of drill bits and i use them all to take care of the house that i live in as the only adult with my son.

i'm a single mother of an extremely energetic child and i manage to show him love while keeping up the house and getting my homework done- did i mention i'm a senior at university? i'm a political science major and art minor, because i like everything. i'm a nerd. nerds are cool, you know it's true. i used to be an architecture major because i love science, math, and art. having my child made architecture a lil' impossible, though i'm ok with that.

i'm driven, ambitious and, quite frankly, i'm smart. i'm not conceited, i'm just being honest. i'm an extremely honest person...i'm also an extremely sarcastic person, so watch out for that.

i write, i play a few instruments- not expertly, but i'm teaching myself in a couple of them and practice time is limited in my life- i like to dance- though i'm a silly dancer- and music is pretty much as common in my life as eating.

i like to eat. i also genuinely like to exercise. handy little combination, there.

i'm european and have traveled quite a lot. i'm fairly cultured, aware and i speak a few languages and can find my way around even the most foreign of places. i currently live an ocean away from my family and i've survived.

i love God. i'm not perfect in my relationship with Him, but that's kind of the point, right? i'm involved with my church and passionate about the prayer ministry i head. i love working with youths. they're the future and they need to know how special they are at the time when they feel least special. if i can have any impact on a youth in their teen years, i feel like i've achieved something truly important.

all this to say, i'm a pretty decent human being. i've been through a lot and, by God's grace, i think i've handled my life fairly well. i deserve the best and i should act like it. so, to the situation that i feared i'd lost, i posit the loss is yours. and that if i can't have it, it's something i didn't need and God has something else for me that i will be faithful to wait upon.