Based on a few discussions I've had with girl friends, I've been analysing recently what there is to the bad boy allure. Now, there's the obvious stupidities, but I should've long outgrown those. Not only am I no longer a teenager but as a teenager, I dated the tortured soul I was trying to save and I've more than learned from my mistakes. I will always be someone who sees potential, looks for the good and then tries to promote those qualities in that person. I think that makes me a good person and, often, a good friend. But if my past relationships have taught me anything it's that when someone has potential- it's just that! Potential. Meaning: They aren't there yet and they still have the potential to not actualise their gifts. It doesn't mean you were wrong about them it just means they had a choice and, sometimes, they make the disappointing choices and that's beyond your control. Walk away. Post haste.

So, I've had my fill of fixer uppers and am ready to just be with someone who comes ready-made, already! Boys need not apply. Men only. Thank you. But then why am I insanely attracted to Mark Wahlberg for all the seemingly wrong reasons? And why, when I met a nice, squeeky-clean, Christian sweetheart of a guy a couple years back did I call my sister and discuss why we can't seem to be attracted to guys who don't have an edge? Why do we complain about guys being jerks, then find a guy who's actually made it to adulthood intact and not reward him for that strength with anything more than friendship? Basically, because girls have been conditioned by fictional love stories that work out in the end to equate drama with the beginning stage of epic love and, therefore, feel without it, there is a lack of some necessary spark. Sadly, we don't seem to move on once that 'stage' becomes an actual state. But guys out there, don't rag on those romantic movies and stories too much because, in all fairness, you've done your fair share of sucking, too. And if we weren't stupid enough to give you second, third, and 100th chances in the hopes of getting that love story, there'd hardly be any couples in this world and the global population would suffer drastically. So, yes, my gender has its stupid moments (and the opposite gender has its jerky moments, too) but I resent that being the explanation for my issue after all I've been through. Surely, I'm too smart for this! Then what is it? 

I thought about it and realised I might actually have some healthy reasons for this attraction inclination: 

1.) For one, as much as I'm a "good girl"- I've never done drugs, never smoked, never been drunk, and have generally lead a lifestyle pursuing Christ- I'm hardly perfect. I've made Mistakes (and yes, that is a capital M) and have needed a lot of forgiveness in my life. I'm a redeemed soul by God's grace for the lack of judgement I've had in my past... and, er, present. It's an ongoing process and always will be. And while we all 'sin and fall short of the glory of God,' I feel like those who haven't made a good ol' monumental mistake don't grasp forgiveness the way I need my partner to. I know that I used to not understand how one could sink to certain levels because I hadn't and, pridefully, believed I couldn't.  Some people are just stronger and better people than others, right? But I have since done things that are so out of character and shameful that I need someone who knows, first hand, that you can do things that aren't you and still be you. I am not my screw ups, I'm the person you see in between them and when you've been there- truly been there and looked in the mirror and thought, "What the heck just happened?!"- you learn to see others for who they are 'in between' as well and appreciate the strength it takes to get yourself back to being your true self after each fall. You realise it's only because of God's victory that you are ever truly victorious anyway and there's empathy, understanding, and forgiveness. The 'bad boy' understands grace and can remind you who you truly are and I need that. 

2.) Secondly, as I just said, there's a strength in rebounding from mistakes. I'm not saying there isn't a strength in avoiding mistakes either, because there definitely is and kudos to those of you who are, humanly-speaking, monumental-mistake-free in general. Well done. Truly. I'm also not saying I want someone with a ton of un-dealt with baggage, because that's not it either. In fact, what I'm saying is, I wanna know that you have 'dealt with' baggage. I want to know that life has thrown you some curve balls, you've been humbled by making mistakes but you have picked yourself up and decided to be stronger. You've decided to take life lessons and learn from them and they've taught you to deal with conflict and failure and be better for it. The 'bad boy' is strong, not damaged, and can be strong for you, too.

3.) Someone who has been through the fallout of life's negative experiences has had to make one of the most difficult spiritual decisions one can make: whether or not to truly.....T-ah-RULY submit everything to God. I've known plenty of Christians who proclaim that Jesus overcomes and heals and redeems, yet they hold onto their hurt and let it affect them indefinitely. I guess I want to be with someone who has downright messed up because sooner or later, we all do. And I need to know that when you do, whenever that day comes, that you'll be capable of forgiving yourself and allowing God's redemptive power to truly permeate your spirit and life. I need to know that you're not the kind of person who kicks yourself forever or drags your family into the dysfunction you've allowed to set up camp in your soul. To lead my family, you need to know how to go to God and give up the things that will get in the way of you, and us, living a life of freedom. The 'bad boy' has learned to fully accept redemption and is therefore capable of being the leader of our pack. (That was SUPER cheesy, but I had to do it. You know I had to...)

So I guess it's not fair to say I'm straight up attracted to actual bad boys, which is why I've put that term in quotes above. I just want someone who has enough life experience to forgive and be forgiven, to leave mistakes behind, and to be stronger for it. I don't want someone who messes me about and makes me feel insecure, like real bad boys do- I actually want someone who gives me security. I guess the 'squeeky-clean' guys don't generally appeal to me because I, maybe mistakenly, feel there's slight judgement or naivety to be found there. And maybe, admittedly, that's not fair and most likely not always true. But what is true and fair is that those guys just wouldn't be compatible with me and I'm probably not what they're looking for either! So maybe I'm not totally dysfunctional for my attraction to Marky-Mark cuz I know he could throw a punch! From what I know of him, he's come a long way in his life. And that's the most attractive 'manly' quality of all. Maybe I just admire the strength involved in overcoming a less than perfect past and want to know that my man- my grown up, non-boy of a man- will appreciate that in me, too.

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