a kick in the teeth and some cherry coke
Friday, January 22, 2010
my family has this weird expression when something good happens, be it mild or extraordinary: "it's better than a kick in the teeth." basically meaning it's better than nothing or better than something bad. well, yesterday i found out some news that was NOT better than a kick in the teeth. in fact, i would have much preferred the aforementioned method of assault to the emotional one i sustained, cuz surely by now, with the aid of some ice and ibuprofen, the bad feeling would be gone.
instead, i wake up this morning feeling like throwing up. if i were a drinker, (and by that i mean drinker of alcohol, as we are all drinkers of some beverage, obviously) now would be the time for a hard one. instead, i sit here with my one liquid indulgence ~ some cherry coke, complete with maraschino cherries. it's calming the nausea a little bit... but what to do with the nausea that carbonated drinks won't resolve?
i've been a mother for over 6 years now. (men become fathers when their child is born, but women become mothers when they're pregnant.) aside from being a regular, flawed human, i do endeavour~ to the best of my ability~ to rise in the face of challenge, to return hate with love- rejection with forgiveness, spite with tolerance. we all have our breaking point and i'm sitting here RIGHT NOW trying to decide if i'm at mine... or if maybe i can push myself a little further, with God's help, to forgive this and to show my son what it is to truly let my thoughts AND my heart be captive to God. this news has potential to affect my son someday, so what example will i give him to deal with it? i could wallow in my frustration and don't get me wrong- i plan to pour another glass of cherry coke and seethe the entire duration of drinking it. but i'm going to pray right now that when the glass is empty, so is my anger. maybe it won't be that swift, but i'm acknowledging right now that i can't control what others do, but i can choose my reaction. i can choose who i am. i can choose who my son's mother is... may God strengthen you through all that you have to face today, and every other day.
love, me xx
instead, i wake up this morning feeling like throwing up. if i were a drinker, (and by that i mean drinker of alcohol, as we are all drinkers of some beverage, obviously) now would be the time for a hard one. instead, i sit here with my one liquid indulgence ~ some cherry coke, complete with maraschino cherries. it's calming the nausea a little bit... but what to do with the nausea that carbonated drinks won't resolve?
i've been a mother for over 6 years now. (men become fathers when their child is born, but women become mothers when they're pregnant.) aside from being a regular, flawed human, i do endeavour~ to the best of my ability~ to rise in the face of challenge, to return hate with love- rejection with forgiveness, spite with tolerance. we all have our breaking point and i'm sitting here RIGHT NOW trying to decide if i'm at mine... or if maybe i can push myself a little further, with God's help, to forgive this and to show my son what it is to truly let my thoughts AND my heart be captive to God. this news has potential to affect my son someday, so what example will i give him to deal with it? i could wallow in my frustration and don't get me wrong- i plan to pour another glass of cherry coke and seethe the entire duration of drinking it. but i'm going to pray right now that when the glass is empty, so is my anger. maybe it won't be that swift, but i'm acknowledging right now that i can't control what others do, but i can choose my reaction. i can choose who i am. i can choose who my son's mother is... may God strengthen you through all that you have to face today, and every other day.
love, me xx
1 comments
I wouldn't mind delivering a kick in the teeth. Well, not to you, but you know.
ReplyDeleteSir Winston Churchill said, "If you are going to go through hell, keep going."
I think his emphasis is on the "through." Hell is not the destination, but it is something that you have to pass through. KEEP GOING. It's when we stop that we lose.
As your mum has said to me, "Courage."