stole this from my friend lindsay's blog



could just listen to this over and over again until i fall asleep
and speaking of sleep, since i am done with my homework before 10p.m. for once, i think i'll treat myself to an early night. ah, the simple joys in life...;)

so, for anyone who actually reads this, that whole opportunity thing i talked about in the 'this just in...' post- i'm over it. you may not know me personally, but i'm kinda awesome... and worthy and deserving of more than what i've received in this situation. i thought i wanted something but now i realise, i shouldn't want it because having it would be settling. i forgot that for a little while... i forgot who i am because i've had a rough year or so and sometimes, it's easy to just see all that is lacking in my life and character. it's easy to highlight flaws, because they seem the most likely reason for things not being the way i want them to be. i'm good at blaming myself. but i would like to be good at being proud of myself for things that merit pride.



so, incase we haven't met, here's me:

i'm fairly creative and good at making things. you might call me crafty or artsy or just plain handy cuz i do have a tool box, a screwdriver set, and a drill with a variety of drill bits and i use them all to take care of the house that i live in as the only adult with my son.

i'm a single mother of an extremely energetic child and i manage to show him love while keeping up the house and getting my homework done- did i mention i'm a senior at university? i'm a political science major and art minor, because i like everything. i'm a nerd. nerds are cool, you know it's true. i used to be an architecture major because i love science, math, and art. having my child made architecture a lil' impossible, though i'm ok with that.

i'm driven, ambitious and, quite frankly, i'm smart. i'm not conceited, i'm just being honest. i'm an extremely honest person...i'm also an extremely sarcastic person, so watch out for that.

i write, i play a few instruments- not expertly, but i'm teaching myself in a couple of them and practice time is limited in my life- i like to dance- though i'm a silly dancer- and music is pretty much as common in my life as eating.

i like to eat. i also genuinely like to exercise. handy little combination, there.

i'm european and have traveled quite a lot. i'm fairly cultured, aware and i speak a few languages and can find my way around even the most foreign of places. i currently live an ocean away from my family and i've survived.

i love God. i'm not perfect in my relationship with Him, but that's kind of the point, right? i'm involved with my church and passionate about the prayer ministry i head. i love working with youths. they're the future and they need to know how special they are at the time when they feel least special. if i can have any impact on a youth in their teen years, i feel like i've achieved something truly important.

all this to say, i'm a pretty decent human being. i've been through a lot and, by God's grace, i think i've handled my life fairly well. i deserve the best and i should act like it. so, to the situation that i feared i'd lost, i posit the loss is yours. and that if i can't have it, it's something i didn't need and God has something else for me that i will be faithful to wait upon.

something i told myself a few years ago. thought i'd reiterate:

"COMFORT" and "SECURITY" are two different things. 

so are "PERFECT" and "RIGHT"...

"Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon
You come and go, you come and go.
Loving would be easy if your colours were like my dreams,
Red, gold and green, red, gold and green..."

Can't figure out what to do with my hair cuz it's driving me crazy and I'm bored with it. So I'm gonna compile a lil' look through the past few years in my hair's life...

Admittedly, the unnatural colours (those that are unnatural to anybody) may not go over well at a politician's office this summer, though a part of me really misses those crazy highlights. My hair is currently medium length so the long hair would take some time. I think I'm just in need of a change in life and my emotional twitchiness always seems to transfer to my hair. There might be a therapy session in there, but there are worse ways to act out, right?

"Sweetest Fanny,

You fear, sometimes, I do not love you so much as you wish? My dear Girl I love you ever and ever and without reserve. The more I have known you the more have I lov'd. In every way - even my jealousies have been agonies of Love, in the hottest fit I ever had I would have died for you. I have vex'd you too much. But for Love! Can I help it? You are always new. The last of your kisses was ever the sweetest; the last smile the brightest; the last movement the gracefullest. When you pass'd my window .home yesterday, I was fill'd with as much admiration as if I had then seen you for the first time. You uttered a half complaint once that I only lov'd your Beauty. Have I nothing else then to love in you but that? Do not I see a heart naturally furnish'd with wings imprison itself with me? No ill prospect has been able .to turn your thoughts a moment from me. This perhaps should be as much a subject of sorrow as joy - but I will not talk of that.

Even if you did not love me I could not help an entire devotion to you: how much more deeply then must I feel for you knowing you love me. My Mind has been the most discontented and restless one that ever was put into a body too small for it. I never felt my Mind repose upon anything with complete and undistracted enjoyment - upon no person but you. When you are in the room my thoughts never fly out of window: you always concentrate my whole senses. The anxiety shown about our Loves in your last note is an immense pleasure to me: however you must not suffer such speculations to molest you any more: nor will I any more believe you can have the least pique against me. Brown is gone out - but here is Mrs. Wylie - when she is gone I shall be awake for you. - Remembrances to your Mother.

Your affectionate
J. Keats."

be better.
don't settle.
trust more.
remember good.
forget bad.
wake up earlier.
go to bed earlier.
forgive self for not always being better.



(listen here)

currently ordering:






it may be senior year, and i may have more homework and commitments and mothering than ever before, but i am determined to read for fun! on top of the reading i'm doing with my son. it's alice in wonderland month. pictures will ensue...

"Do God and Jesus celebrate Christmas on my birthday?" - my son on the way to school today...:)