i went for a jog the other day. i have a bad ankle, shin splints, and an irregular heartbeat, so you can imagine that jogging, regardless of physical condition, isn't the easiest thing for me. but i still go anyway, especially when i'm particularly upset. i don't have my iPod. i lost my cute, little, green 3rd generation nano a couple months ago, so i've been using my dad's iPod touch, which, call me crazy, i just don't like as much. it had no music i wanted to listen to so i started off my jog to the Thriller album. don't ask me why the Thriller album is on my dad's iPod. pretty sure my friend who works for him put it on there. by the time i was half a mile away from my house, (and halfway through Beat It) i felt like my head was going to explode with all the thoughts and frustrations boiling together inside. i took off my earphones and chucked the iPod and my water bottle in a bush, (don't worry, i retrieved them, unharmed, later), and started shouting at no one. i grabbed my stuff and ran to an overpass, sat on the sidewalk and stared at the cars on the highway below passing under me. it was then, with idiot drivers honking at me- apparently with no purpose but to make me more mad- that i began to cry.

i'm not sure if you could call what i did next praying as much as it was crying at God and venting everything i was upset about: all the things in my life that are a disappointment, all the ways i feel we haven't got what we deserve and how hurt i am by Him that He seems to withhold things i believed He'd promised. i screamed, silently - in my head, glaring at each car that approached (especially the hilarious honk-sters). when i'd sufficiently covered everything i had to say and waited enough to realise i probably wasn't getting much of a response right then, i wiped steaming tears away from my fuming eyes and waited for my heart rate to drop. jog or no jog, i'm pretty sure i burned some calories... i took a deep breath and ran back to my house as fast as my sore shins would take me, took a shower and cried some more.

do i feel all that better now? no.
will i? yes, and probably soon.

i'd love to have some inspirational conclusion to this post, but sometimes, i think it's just somehow encouraging to know that someone else is having a bad day, too. so, if you're having a rough time, you're not alone. if you need someone to share it with, i'm a pretty trustworthy confidante. and if it crosses your mind to say a prayer for me, i'd appreciate it. and by the way, God is still my best friend, just incase anyone was worried...

lots of love, me