So, these are some photos I took at my friend's wedding that I attended last April (scanned from film prints and then facebook-copied so the resolution sucks, I know!). I met the bride in 4th grade and despite having sporadic bouts without contact, we seem to have gone through some similar things in our lives over the years and have remained friends.

Something I haven't even told her (ha~) is that I was a little nervous for her when I heard she was engaged and that the date was set. She met this guy, got engaged and had the wedding planned all within about a year. I'm a long engagement type of person, but I remembered she and I having had a conversation a few years earlier in a period of our mutual singledom where she'd said that once she knew she wanted to share her life with someone, she would just want to start that life as soon as possible. (Very When Harry Met Sally:)


So, I went to the wedding and met her now-husband for the first time at the rehearsal dinner. They had nine people on either side of their wedding party and I sat there- eating some pretty sweet pasta with the looming threat of a group dance lesson for wedding preparation immediately following (it's super hard for someone my height to dance with a guy who's so tall, each one of his strides is about the length of my entire leg! haha...)- and listened to all these stories these friends were telling about this couple. It was no surprise to me that my own friend is awesome and loved by many. She's beautiful, has a heart for God, and is a total catch on so many levels. Was this man worthy of my amazing friend? Apparently... yes. (Well, as worthy as any man is of an excellent woman. I'm pretty sure he gets that;)


Here's something that I was not aware I'd been doing until that moment. See, I'm in my mid-twenties and a lot of guys my age are not grown up yet. Some, I fear, will never really assume the role of a mature, godly man. I'm not saying you can't be youthful at my age- in fact, please feel free to be youthful at any age. But there's a difference between youthful and juvenile. People ask me why I'm single- that's an awesome question by the way, thanks for asking! And despite having had past reasons like, "It's a transitional period in my life- I'm not over my last relationship- I need time for me/my son right now," the answer recently has been: "I haven't found a guy who is what I need, let alone anything extra that I want." And I'd slowly been internalising this belief that I would eventually have to settle for a guy that was a decent Christian and relatively mature, even if he wasn't even where I was in those arenas.


But then, I sat at this table hearing nine- count them: nine- men, and I will use the word men here, who all supported each other and this groom and edified God in their lives and relationships with each other and their significant others. These guys assured my friend that she was marrying a man who could truly be the head of their household and that hit me like a ton of bricks. See, my household consists of me and a 6-year-old. Look around... there's no one else. So who's the spiritual head of my household? Me. Someone needs to be, so it's me and while I feel I am capable of leading my son spiritually, I don't want to settle for a decent Christian guy. I want a man who can lead a woman like me. And not to be conceited, but I'm worth more than decent. For the feminists out there, I'm not saying I will be any less than a full partner in my marriage... but that's exactly why he shouldn't be any less than one either. And I also know that my God, who has brought me this far making me the woman I am and my son the amazing character he is, has not done so only to deliver someone who is less than what we need... and deserve.


I realised I'd been preparing myself to settle, but the wedding that followed the next day was so full of peace. I'd never seen a bride so jitter-less or a couple so soundly excited in the anticipation of their future and confident that this step they were taking together was divinely appointed and that they had found the partners they were meant to find. I want that- and nothing less. So, why am I single? Because I have yet to have any relationship prospects that are what I actually need. And what do I essentially need? I could run you through a list, but here's the overall point: I need a man who can be the spiritual head of my household because whoever can be that will be the other things I need. He will be an example to my son of what a man should be. He will respect me and cherish me. He will be capable of shouldering the burdens of my family's life and the battles we encounter spiritually. And if God took the time to make me the multi-faceted person that I am, I'm pretty sure He won't have forgotten to add in the other details I would need to feel understood that involve music, creativity, travel, humor, etc. So, I guess the even shorter overall point is, I need the man God made with me in mind. I don't expect perfection by any means, but I do expect something worth the wait so I will continue to trust, and in the meantime continue to make myself someone worth waiting for...


Sometimes songs with no words say everything you mean...