i'm looking around the room i moved into four years ago and reading the journals i wrote in back then and looking at the mural i painted on this wall inspired by a pair of cute underpants and thinking- what happened to the past four years??

i don't have an answer in case you were expecting one.

i'm just thinking how funny time is and how it's way too fast and how i miss things and people and even myself, at times. how does that work? how do you miss yourself? i miss the me i used to be- and not cuz i'm not happy with the current me. but i miss the me that was so nervous but also so hopeful about moving here. virtually none of that girl's expectations were met, poor wretch.


i have questions i want answered, i want some do-overs, i want explanations, i want days back, i want apologies, i want forgiveness, i want to know that some things which are over weren't in vain. i want to feel the way i felt the first time i heard 23 by jimmy eat world or sidewalks by story of the year.

red jumpsuit apparatus, the fray, howie day, regina spektor, audioslave, nada surf, dashboard confessional, griffin house- where'd you guys go? where did i go? where's the girl who wrote songs in her head on the way to school and designed album covers in the margins of her notebook?